Still Holding Hands!

The other day, as I was walking the boardwalk, I passed by an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand. I couldn’t help but stop and ask them how long they have been married. The husband simply said, “A very long time.” The wife, however, with a big smile on her face gave the real answer: “70 years!” I thought that was astounding. Here they were, married for 70 years, and still walking the boardwalk hand-in-hand! (Think of it, they must have been in their 90’s.)

I let the couple know that about two weeks ago, Kim and I celebrated our fortieth wedding anniversary!  To which the wife responded, “Mazel tov…may you have many more!”  At that moment, however, their 70 years of marriage made me feel like a newlywed—as if I was just starting out. I wish I could have sat down with them and heard their stories and learned how it was that after 70 years of marriage, they were still holding hands. I’m sure they would have had some pretty good advice. 

As I reflect on my own 40 years of marriage, I can’t help but first of all ask, where has the time gone? And how could two people as young as we are be married now forty years? Haha!  After all, on the one hand it does seem as if Kim and I were married just yesterday. Yet, on the other hand, it feels as if we’ve always been together. The truth is, our years as a married couple are far more than our years before marriage. It’s no wonder, neither of us can imagine life without the other. It’s no wonder, we don’t think of ourselves as Tim and Kim, but as Tim-and-Kim—if you get what I’m saying. 

So, for those of you who are considering marriage, or for those of you who are newly married, or for those of you who are struggling in your marriage, you might be asking what is the key to a long, healthy marriage? Is it communication? Is it conflict-management or learning to compromise or commitment? Does it come from keeping romance alive or learning how to work together or shared experiences? All of those things and more are necessary. But bottom line, the Bible tells us right at the beginning, in the book of Genesis, the key to a long, healthy marriage. 

Jesus quoted from Genesis 2:24 when he said, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:5-6 – NIV)  

As I’ve said many times to couples in pre-marital counseling, when one is married it’s not about losing one’s identity, but about taking on a new identity so that the husband and wife begin to truly live as “one flesh.” Our lives become so intertwined that we can finish each other’s sentences, we know what the other is thinking, we know what the other needs, and for good or bad, we can no longer see ourselves without the other. It’s always been God’s intent for a husband and wife to live as “one flesh.” 

For that couple on the boardwalk the other day, I can only guess that they had learned long ago what it means to live and function in their marriage as “one flesh.” For Kim and me, it has been Tim-and-Kim rather than Tim and Kim. So, if you see us walking the boardwalk, you just may catch us still holding hands! 

Have a great day! And, hope you don’t mind a little marriage counseling today!

- Pastor Tim Harris